An open letter to all my Penguin Unicorn Warriors

This is a derpy cat.

Up front, I’m not going to explain what a Penguin Unicorn Warrior is right now. You can skip all the way to the next reference of Penguin Unicorn Warrior if you want to see it. Not that last reference, but the next reference. If you want to skip to the end, go ahead. But I got preamble, because, I’m a fan of Bowen Yang, and I want to celebrate my Koreans in the world, and my Asians, and celebrate a Chinese person getting on SNL. But, NBC being NBC, they had to just do the thing where they want to reach a bigger audience, and so they made sure to add Shane “I’m Sorry If You Were Offended” Gillis to the mix.

There’s all kinds of reasons people laugh. There’s not really one comedy. People laugh when they’re scared. People laugh when they need tension broken. People laugh at other people’s misfortune. People laugh at themselves, at people who are different, people laugh for all kinds of reasons.

There’s no one comedy. There’s just people and the dumb ass stuff we laugh at. I laugh at Bugs Bunny cartoons, I laugh when my friend Jason says, “y’all,” the right way, I laugh about all kinds of stuff. Today, I laughed because a ladybug landed on my nose, and I wondered, “holy crap, is this the same ladybug I saved last Friday?” I don’t care if you think that’s funny, I think it’s funny.

You want to make $60 million? You want to be a full time comedian? You want to go on tour? You find your act, but the easiest way right now is one of the easiest ways it’s always been — go make fun of people lower status than you. That’s all you gotta do. It’s like, imagine yourself in high school. You want to be popular, and hope that people don’t notice you’re a dweeb? Go make fun of the other dweebs, and do it better than anyone else. That’s one way to do it.

That’s a path to success right now, plain as day. Yeah, Cancel Culture is real. But it doesn’t mean what we think it means. It means that an audience who cares, who doesn’t want their entertainment to come from people who abuse other people for fun and profit, will not support your shit. No one deserves an audience. That’s not true. My friend Billy deserves an audience. He’s pretty goddamn great. The list is longer, I’m gonna feel bad because I didn’t include enough people on it. Someone’s gonna be mad, maybe. Don’t care.